Relationships would be so much easier to keep and to recover from if we treated them like a bird in the hand. Let me explain.

Let’s say you’re sitting on a bench in the park and a bird starts hanging around – the feathered kind, that is.

You stretch out your hand and it lands there. Content to just sit, the two of you share some magical moments in each other’s company. It might sing, sleep, express its personality and make you laugh or simply be silent. Either way, you feel gratitude for this little creature’s trust.

If you grabbed it saying it belonged to you now, what would it do? It would struggle.

If you squeezed it tighter so it couldn’t escape, you might actually kill it. If not its body then certainly its spirit.

On the other hand, you might give it a little food to encourage it to stay.

But sooner or later it will fly away.

Now what do you do?

Do you spend days, weeks or even months whinging about how it left you? How it broke your heart? How you feel miserable now and it’s all the bird’s fault? How it treated you badly on purpose?

Do you bitch about how you can’t trust birds and refuse to have another land on your hand?

When you think of it years later do you remember it leaving you or do you remember the magic of spending a few moments in its company?

Its such a different approach to human relationships!

What if you could treat your personal relationships with the same lightness?

1) Value the moment

Each moment you get to spend with that person – be it a partner, a relative, friend, work colleague, neighbour, anyone at all – treat it as a magic moment. Value it and pay attention to it. Be grateful that they spent that time on you. Those moments cannot be brought back at a later date and everyone’s time is precious, especially these days when time is speeding by at such a crazy rate.

2) Set them free

You’ve probably heard the saying “If you love someone, set them free.” This is the theory behind it. You spend your magic moments together. Now, as you part or go to sleep at the end of the day, thank them for spending it with you and set them free. They are free to go.

This can be a little unnerving for some people but once they get used to the idea you are not dismissing them, you are simply giving them the choice to come back, they will appreciate the freedom. There’s a whole lot less struggle when you leave your fingers open for the bird to decide for themselves if they want to stay now… and now… and now.

You don’t have to state it every day as that may become rather tedious but make sure the words are still spinning in your head so your behaviour aligns with the thought of setting them free.

I believe the commitment which no longer feels good or possessiveness which limits freedom is where the struggle begins. If we can treat relationships, even marriage, with the feeling of lightness and freedom, your bird will stay longer in your hand.

3) After the parting

If they enjoyed your company they will come back and you’ll know for sure they want to be there. Then there is no reason for insecurity.

If it’s time to fly, you can focus your attention on the great moments you had together and feel confident in yourself that they chose to sit with you in the first place.

LAW OF ATTRACTION – YOUR THOUGHTS BECOME YOUR REALITY

Like attracts like.

When you spend a lot of time muttering about the injustice, anger, sadness, grief, revenge you feel as a result of the broken relationship – even if you never mention it to others but keep it in your head – you will very quickly attract in more reasons to feel this way with the next relationship.

BUT, when you spend your time remembering the fun moments you had as “magic” rather than something lost, you attract in more magic with the next relationship.

I know which I would prefer to attract!

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