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25 Oct 2012

From erotic dreams to forgiveness

25 Oct 2012

Now here’s a fascinating story which I must share with you. There is a person I know who is an acquaintance. For quite a while, they kept turning up in my mind. Now, you know when you sometimes have a friend pop into your mind and you think “By golly, I should give them a ring and see how they’re doing”?

Well this was different.

This was full on, in your face.

Like I would be doing something ordinary like walking, making a meal or working (typing, thank goodness, not coaching or training) and there was the face – bam. So full in front of me that I was blinded to everything else, to the point where if I was walking I would have to stop.

I figured, hmm, maybe it’s a crush. That person is rather nice though it’s not appropriate to flirt with them. I don’t have any other explanation for it.

Then I had a dream.

Again, nothing half hearted, but full on and strong in emotion, short but potent. I was a female, this person was a male.  I was on a table, he in a chair in front of me. Yep, you know where this is going…

I was doing everything in my power to get his attention. Using all my feminine wiles and most of them not very lady like. As desperate as a starving prostitute, I was doing everything I could. In response, he didn’t just reject me, he was furious. He got up, slammed the chair on the ground and stormed off. It left me shocked.

I had a mix of emotions when I woke. First of all I was surprised I could be so … well, skanky. And I was surprised at his over the top reaction. He could have just said “no thank you” and left. Why was he furious with me? I couldn’t figure it.

In a session with Mercredan a few weeks ago, this person came up in the conversation. We’d only just started talking about it when there was a power cut in my neighbourhood. I sent a text message to the channeller that we couldn’t continue. He replied back “I’ve been told to tell you it’s unfinished business”. Hmm, ok.

Then earlier this week we had another session and with my curiosity aroused, I enquired again about this unfinished business. This was the very surprising explanation that ensued…

The explanation

M = Mercredan
A = me

A: We got cut off last time when you were telling me of an unfinished agreement. Do you remember that conversation?

M: An unfinished agreement

A: Yes. Do you need to hear more?

M: There are of course many unfinished agreements.

A: (laughs) OK. It was an attraction to a soul that I shouldn’t be -ah- morally spending time on.

M: That is correct and the unfinished agreements, of course, one cannot lay them down quite without perception from 5th reality. You understand? Then you begin to see all of the connections, not simply with yourself but from this one’s connections to all others. Do you follow what I mean? Then lifetime connections and so on, start to make sense why the attraction occurs and what the consequence would be of taking it further.

A: Well I understand that the consequences are not what I wish for so I would not take it further. But I am interested to know what the unfinished agreement is.

M: Mmm. Let us find it. The end of the thread as it were. Mmm. (Long pause.) There was an agreement for betrothal

A: Yes

M: at a time when the nations were quite unstable and one comes from not so much royalty but position. The young man in question then was called upon by his uncle to move into and take on the responsibilities for managing a particular region of his influence. Do you understand?

A: What sort of country and what sort of era are we looking at?

M: I want to say the country as it is in your time now will be in central Europe, maybe what you would call Germany/Austria.

A: OK

M: and timeframe would be late in your 1500’s.

A: OK

M: and this one’s uncle was regional “king” as such. Not called that, of course. So this one was called upon at quite a young age to take responsibility for managing the region. Headed as he was, he would not listen to his elder advisors but thought he was much more important, much more valuable and as such, his life was …short.

A: Oh dear.

M: You understand? However the conditions had been set for the betrothal and of course that left you at odds.

A: Right OK.

M: In that lifetime then, you were no longer available for marriage. No longer able to bear children as you would have wished. Then you stayed for a long time in your father’s domain unplayed.

A: (laughs) Right. So now we have to look at the reaction. We’ve seen the event. I’m assuming the reaction was one of betrayal or abandonment or something.

M: Resentment.

A: Resentment, right.

M: Resentment and quite negative thoughts. So one would take pains to be not the nicest to the servants and so on.

A: Oh dear.

M: So it left, if you like, quite a sense of unwillingness and unavailability that caused one to activate the resentment. In that lifetime of course like all, you cannot escape one’s thoughts and the resentment did of course leave you isolated. Do you follow what I mean?

A: Yes I do.

M: So it plays out in it’s own fashion in the present circumstances. Do you follow what I mean?

A: Oh! In the present circumstances?

M: Of course.

A: Is that the resentment now?

M: Let us say not so much the resentment but the desire and the unavailability has somewhat shifted and also the isolation. In a way that is difficult to overcome. Do you understand?

A: I do. So what suggestions do you have for me to overcome that?

M: First of all to recognise in that lifetime, that this one did not make the choice to leave. He just simply was immature and from a household which required to be seen as more important. So upbringing and so on led to the failures that led to the loss of life, not what it appeared, that one was betrayed. You understand?

A: Mm, so some forgiveness would help with this?

M: That would be. And to recognise that both sides in the present time have to arrive at that point where forgiveness and letting go of this situation will open up new opportunities.

A: Are you saying there is forgiveness needed on the other side?

M: That is correct.

A: So how did that come about?

M: Because having been the bane of one’s resentment, even after one has passed through the veil as it were, leaves still the unfinished business.

A: Right! Oh, ok!

M: So this one has to release that attraction. Do you follow what I mean?

A: Yes I do. I hadn’t thought of it that way. So when somebody reacts with resentment then the other person feels it and…

M: Of course and it impacts on them unless they can rise above it.

A: Whether they are in physical form or not.

M: That is correct.

A: Oh, wow.

M: Consciousness does not recognise physicality as a barrier.

A: OK, wow that gives me lots to think about.

M: So let us say this. One has first of all to release that. Discover forgiveness for other, forgiveness for self, for such actions and so on.

(I have more of this session I will post on the blog next week.)

What did I learn from this past life?

How about that?

So two things can be learnt from this that is useful for you, the reader.

1) When you resent someone or hold on to past events with anger, revenge, fear, sadness or misery; cursing the other person for the part they played, they feel it whether they are alive or passed on. It totally pisses them off! You may think this is quite a neat trick for revenge. However…

2) When you refuse to forgive, you cause great harm to yourself. It can be expressed in your body as ill health, repeated bad luck, accidents and general grumpy pants outlook on life who no one in a happy state of mind wants to hang around with. This can lead to either isolation and abandonment or attracting in more grumpy pants people to increase your misery.

So for me, although I don’t remember this lifetime at all, I do understand this tension between us. If I can forgive myself for making a bad choice being a grumpy pants and if I can ask this person’s forgiveness, perhaps the interactions we have, which have always been distantly polite, may improve.

It’s time to release some old baggage!

To finish the topic, I wrote a letter after the session which drew out all sorts of emotions …

Dear Betrothed,

I forgive you for abandoning me, for betraying me, for putting your own interests first, for leaving me without a spouse.

I understand now that taking the leading role in your country and putting me aside was not your choice. It was an obligation.

I understand that putting your family as top priority and to act in such a pompous fashion was not your fault. It was your upbringing and it was simply expected of you.

I understand that ignoring your advisors and making your own decisions was not a mature move but was the best you could do at the time.

I understand that losing your life was NOT what you intended and you learnt your lesson from that.

I also understand that my reaction to that event was my undoing. My reaction to resent you was unfair. I had a choice in how I reacted. I could have emotionally moved on and made the most of the life I had. I could have enjoyed the company of those around me and made myself as useful as possible to my father’s household. Instead I chose to become a whinging old bag. A right bitch. The mean old spinster who burdened her father for her whole life and caused much damage to all those around her.

I know I caused you damage as well. Even though you were no longer here I cursed you and you hated me for it.

Have you really hated me for 500 years?

I am so sorry.

I am so sorry.

I don’t want to cause you further harm. Please forgive me.

It is over now. My baggage is gone. My resentment released.

We were just playing our roles but I just took mine a bit far. I’m sure you didn’t get the outcome you were looking for either.

Let us forgive ourselves and each other.

We are young. There is so much more we can do in these current lives once we release this nasty thread.

I forgive you. You took your best shots. You did what you thought was right. You did what you thought was best for your family. You were thrown into a situation that was difficult to handle. I get it. I forgive you.

I feel nothing but love for you now.

Even now, I know you always try hard. You keep very high standards. And look at you. Look at how wise you are now. You are making better decisions and they’ve reaped wonderful rewards.

I forgive myself.

Many lives in the past I have reacted in a way that does not serve me. Where that reaction came from is irrelevant. I have no one to blame but myself. And I’ll spend no more time blaming even me.

I now take this moment to move forward. Baggage be gone!

I understand now how much of a choice I have. Every event has a choice of reactions. I aim to be much more aware of them now and take my time to choose the one that brings about the best consequences. The one that serves my wellbeing and the wellbeing of the whole Universe the best way.

I make mistakes too. That’s why I’ve kept coming back here. So many lessons to learn. I release my resentment of you. I release my judgment of myself.

I am free now. Free to let go of all past grievances, all arguments, all betrayals, all crimes. Those I committed and those others committed against me.

I am free.

Dear Betrothed, you are free too. Free of my resentment. Free of such heavy baggage.

Bless you Betrothed One.

May your life be everything you want it to be.

I feel we could get on well. We could work well together. I understand if this is not what you want to do this time.

Maybe another time and place… I am at your service.

I love you.

And now, I feel better. It will be interesting to see what results from it.

Do you have someone alive or dead you have not forgiven? Do you see what damage that has done to your life?

How about taking some time to write a letter like this. Just throw it all out there on paper. Tell it like it is. Try to see the story from their point of view as well. Each person is doing the best they can. We all make mistakes. We all have times when we act or react in a way that harms ourselves and others.

Find your forgiveness and kiss that baggage goodbye!

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