14 Jan 2014

Is Monogamy The Answer To Happiness?

14 Jan 2014

What is monogamy?Man, this is such a sticky topic. As usual, I like to set my own preferences and opinions aside to look at this more objectively. You’ll get more from this article if you can do the same.

What do we know about monogamy?

Let’s get our comparisons right for starters. I’m just going to use Wikipedia to get us started.

MONOGAMY –  is a form of relationship in which an individual has only one partner during their lifetime or at any one time.

POLYGAMY  – being in a state of marriage or intimate relationship with two or more spouses

POLYGYMY – When a man is married to more than one wife at a time

POLYANDRY – When a woman is married to more than one husband at a time (look it up, it actually happened)

POLYAMORY – The practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved. It is distinct from swinging (which emphasizes sex with others as merely recreational) and may or may not include polysexuality (attraction towards multiple genders)

GROUP OR CONJOINT MARRIAGE – when everybody just goes for it (ok, that wasn’t from Wikipedia)

What else do we know about Monogamy?

  • most countries in the world demand it as the morally correct way to live
  • many people feel it is the most “natural” way to be, though we’re not sure if that’s just being compliant with the socially acceptable moral
  • history shows the populace generally follows how the leader feels about monogamy and adjusts their own lifestyle to match. Thus, when the king had mistresses it was fashionable to have a mistress and when the king was monogamous courtesans’ business tended to dry up.
  • when thinking about multiple partners or “cheating” most people automatically think about men doing it rather than women when, in fact, both genders do it
  • as children we naturally open our arms equally to both male and female friends and carers. As we grow older and become conditioned by what is socially acceptable we lose some of this open, loving way of being

Removing the Morals of the Day

I understand the practical need to make sure children are raised safely in a family environment but, if we remove the morals of the day and look at monogamy from a purely spiritual aspect the picture is quite different.

What I’ve read so far of 144Cubits (a very repetitious and challenging read from automatic writing) reminded me how much we are controlled by the rules we set ourselves. You might say these are the things that make us socially and morally acceptable. Who makes these rules up and who gave them the right to do so?

The Marriage Contract

One thing in particular which needs addressing is our ideas around marriage and being locked into a contract. As soon as you put any rule down which limits freedom, many will consciously or sub-consciously start rebelling against it, even if they are simply rebelling against the principle of a limited freedom.

When you look at how many divorces there are we really have to question if the monogamy moral or the marriage contract is working in our favour when we are in pursuit of happiness, our ultimate human goal.

144Cubits talks about how this moral does not work if we are to truly follow the commandment “Love thy neighbour as thou loves thyself“. I’ve heard another source (can’t remember which now) pointing to the view of detachment in Buddhism where you cannot possess anything including a spouse if you are to be truly free.

Will Monogamy be necessary in the future?

We’ve previously needed to hold the rules of contract over a marriage because, when a family splits up, there is opportunity for parties to abandon their responsibilities. Additional rules are then needed to demand each remains accountable.

However, as the Human race evolves we will be more loving towards every one around us, more accountable, more responsible and taking a village to raise a child will naturally come back into play. Thus, there will be less need to demand someone be responsible when there is more than enough help, love and resources to raise each child.

Mercredan has also mentioned that the World population will never be this big again. So many souls were keen to be down here to be a part of the Shift (December 2012) – the greatest show in the Universe – and now it’s done, many will move on to new challenges elsewhere.

With less children in the community the village approach will mean that you will have several couples raising one child who will never be short of attention.

What a difference that will make!

When mother who wants to work can feel safe her child is being raised by a team of many loving hands, with all the care and attention needed, the extra care results in a child being raised to become a very different adult capable of creating it’s own legacy in the world.

However, we are not there yet! We humans still shirk our responsibilities and solo parents are still left to raise children on their own. Monogamous rules or morals have not prevented this from happening but, adding polyamory as an acceptable lifestyle option would certainly remove a lot of shame around how many people are already living their private lives.

Statistics are showing, even though we don’t talk about it, at least 70% of men and 30% of women have relationships outside their marriage anyway.

Take a look at this documentary of a polyamory family “group” which decided to share their lifestyle with the world in order to promote discussion.

Here’s another one from TEDx speaker from Open Love New York Leon Feingold. The delivery is a little clunky but his message is clear by the end.

Favourite quote

The love we have to share is only as limited as we limit it.

Here’s a link worth visiting of the wedding vows Neale Donald Walsch made with his wife after he wrote the hugely popular “Conversations with God” series. This is how they got around the “locked into a contract” feel of the old style wedding vows.

To close, I want to offer you this video from Esther Hicks channeling Abraham which gives you a non-emotional viewpoint from those of a higher perspective.

The message is that each of us has our own preferences on what is acceptable to us and what is not.

Focus on the “Live and let live” approach and you will draw in a partner that matches your own preferences.

What’s your view on monogamy creating happiness?

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