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15 Feb 2013

Spending Valentines Day single

15 Feb 2013

Single on Valentines DayPLEASE SHARE. There are many people single on Valentines Day. Some deliberately, some involuntarily. Everywhere you look there are reminders of love between couples. Little red hearts, giggling, gossip, red roses, dinners for two. If you’re not in the right frame of mind it might be enough to make you want to crawl into the wardrobe and wait 24 hours before emerging back into a normal world.

Yet Valentines Day doesn’t have to become such a big obstacle. When you look at the day and all it stands for, it’s your choice as to how you react and some reactions make you happier than others.

Reacting with hate

“I hate Valentines Day! All those lovey dovey couples make me sick. Get thee hence! Buggar off!”

This will put you in a foul mood for the entire day and evening. People will avoid you which may initially feel like what you want. But then everything else around you tends to go to pot when you’re angry too. You spill coffee down your front, you get a flat tyre and no one wants to help; a client cancels your job, you trip on the curb, you forget your wallet, someone elbows you in the groin as you walk past a cafe table. Holding on to anger is pretty much guaranteed to mess up your day a lot more than if you’d decided to stay in a neutral mood. Hmm – Reject that choice. Next!

Reacting with sadness

“It’s not fair. Nobody loves me. I can’t get a partner. The last one was useless. I only attract useless partners. I give up. The world is conspiring against me. Why? Why? Why?”

How does this choice feel? Well, at the start it actually feels like a bit of a relief. Being able to blame everyone else for rejecting you means it can’t possibly be your own fault. I mean there’s nothing wrong with you, is there? So, it must be them.

Whenever you use any of these thoughts to pass the blame onto someone else you do two things. First up you’re not passing the blame, you’re passing the power. If it’s up to someone else then, you have no control over the situation and won’t be able to correct it. So you’re relief is rather short lived. Secondly, Law of Attraction kicks in when you say these words in your head. Law of Attraction 101 is “Your thoughts become reality.” Let’s face it, not everyone has a problem with getting a partner so the reality has turned out differently for you than the next person. The reality is set by what you most often think and feel. Result? The more you think think nobody loves you, the more the world will bend to make sure you never see someone who does. This option is not looking good. Next!

Reacting with jealousy

“They don’t deserve love. Look at them. That guy is just too good to be true – there’ll be something wrong with him and she’ll be soooo upset. A girl who wears that kind of shoes is bound to be a right tart. She’ll be cheating on him before you know it.”

This option can give you some temporary relief because it feels a tiny bit better than anger and sadness. It still doesn’t really give as much deep satisfaction as you’d hoped though. Why is that? Because jealousy is confirming in your head that you are lacking in some department. In this case the most obvious is the Lover department.

Jealousy can confirm other things too. If you find yourself jealous of the way other people look, it confirms in your mind you are not accepting of how amazing your own body is. If you are jealous of those with more money or power you are confirming you’re own lack of talent to create the same.

Any time you confirm the lack, good ol’ Law of Attraction says “Oh is that your belief? Sure thing! We’ll bend the world to match your belief a bit more” and you’ll soon find other people saying and doing things back at you that confirm your belief that you are indeed lacking! Get the idea? So this option isn’t making the day go well either. Next!

Reacting with joy

Now, don’t roll your eyes. Being single and reacting with joy to Valentines Day is possible without drugs, alcohol and a rainbow headscarf. Have a think about this. If we see Valentines Day as being a celebration of Love it isn’t necessarily limited to Love between two lovers. It can be any type of Love.

I find clients often come to me using one of the first three reactions regularly, all year round, and they can’t understand why they can’t attract a lover. One great exercise is to list all the things you want from that new partner/lover/companion and then become those characteristics yourself. (Not physical ones obviously, more the personality traits.) Generally top of the list with my clients is “Loving”. Well ok, let’s get started with that.

1) Love strangers

You can spread the love in so many different ways. Help someone looking lost on the street. Smile at a worried face you’re walking past. Compliment a hair style, a color of shirt, a long neck. Stop and pat a cat for 5 whole minutes. Sweep your neighbours front courtyard when you’re doing your own. You don’t have to become some great charity crusader. A bundle of little good deeds done by each person would be enough to lift the worried face off millions of people – all within a day.

2) Love friends and family

Wouldn’t it be great to use Valentines Day to get in touch with friends and family and forgive all past grievances? Give your mum a call and tell her you love her. Ring that friend you haven’t spoken to for a year and apologise for the argument. Keep smiling and I guarantee you’ll get more good comments back than snide ones. If you have other single friends, organise a last minute night out and get each to set the intention to laugh more than you have in a long time. It’s amazing how powerfully that intention works.

3) Love yourself

The best way to attract in a partner who loves and admires you is to first love and admire yourself. This is the bit so many people misunderstand. I call it “Reflective Feedback”. Each person around you, be they workmates, friends, family or strangers reflect back to you what you feel about yourself. So, if you want them to admire you, think you’re spunky, intelligent, sexy and worth chasing, you have to believe it yourself.

Use Valentines Day to groom yourself (get a pedicure, have a barber do a razor shave, take a long bath). Point out to yourself all your good bits both inside and out. Be pleased with yourself.  Like yourself. Love yourself. If you stop yourself whenever you feel you are beating yourself up, then flip it around to some positive appreciation, you’ll be surprised how quickly the world bends to recognise your attributes as well.

Valentines Day can be a truly marvellous day when you fill yourself with love and let it shine. Doing this for the sheer joy of it makes you feel happier, lets you have a good time all day and, who knows? Maybe it will draw in new friends, people who want to help you and even that special someone.

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  1. Francis February 19th, 2013 4:10PM

    Saint Valentine (in Latin, Valentinus) is a widely recognized third century Roman saint commemorated on February 14 and associated since the High Middle Ages with a tradition of courtly love. Note there is nothing here regarding romantic love. Valentine is recognised as a martyr, so we might consider was his day really means. Isn’t it about putting self to one side and bring an elevated love to another.

    Courtly love or domnei was a medieval European conception of nobly and chivalrously expressing love and admiration. Generally, courtly love was secret and between members of the nobility. It was also generally not practiced between husband and wife.

    So on Valentine’s day put aside one’s amourous desires and practice love and admiration for another person, and this maybe in a secret fashion. With the right choice one is giving the universe the message of readiness for love, and the sort of person you would choose.

    • Kitegirl February 20th, 2013 8:58AM

      Wow, thanks for the background info Francis. So that’s all the more reason to give first and then you shall receive. Bring it on!

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