Goal setting

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When you never achieve your goals

How many years have you been trying to reach a goal that just never comes to pass? You’ve visualised it clearly, done you homework on what is required, worked so very hard, driven yourself insane pushing for it yet, it remains elusive. Like a bird flying around the cat’s head it’s always just out of reach.

There are a number of reasons you can chase and never achieve your goals. Here, I want to talk about one of those reasons and show one way you can find your answers.

Before we complete this exercise though, there’s a couple of things you’ll need to do.

Firstly, stop beating yourself up. When achieving a goal becomes a high priority in your life, you set your expectations high. If your inner talk includes berating yourself, you are going to slow your progress dramatically. So, sit for a minute and give yourself a break. Always remember Thomas Edison’s famous quote when working on the invention of the light bulb.

“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”

Secondly is to look at you and your goal from an objective point of view, like you’re looking down on a chess board with two pieces on it. When you’re down there on the board your emotions can get high. The thoughts, words and actions get dramatic and while you’re being a drama queen, you won’t be able to see the wood for the trees. So, take a deep breath, add a little smile and lift yourself off the board away from the piece that is you as we work here.

This exercise I am calling…

The Trade Off

One common reason we fail to achieve our goals is when the PURSUIT of it puts us in a position where we become sort of comfortable. If we sit in the same position for a while it becomes a silent agreement we keep with ourselves (eg – a struggling artist, forever single, never got the big break) and the people closest to us, whether they are supportive or critical, become part of that agreement too.

When others expect you to stay in the same position they, in effect, invest themselves in the idea. They are in agreement with where you are and that you will be staying there. They may even mould their own lives around you staying there so it might become inconvenient to them if you actually moved out of that agreement and achieved the goal.

What keeps you in that position?

You may not think it is comfortable and, to prove it, you have plenty to complain about in the status quo. But maybe it’s more comfortable than you think. Let’s look at an example I was working with recently to show you what I mean by a comfortable agreement. A trade off.

Joe (not his real name) is wanting desperately to achieve a big time job. He’s done the hours, has the experience, is well presented, has the education. He seems very comparable to other senior executives yet, he never quite gets the job. We explored The Trade Off to take an honest look at what is going on.

Question 1 – What is comfortable about where I sit?

  • Free time after work
  • Can do my sports in the evening
  • No expectations
  • No comparisons with other senior execs
  • Easy low demand job
  • Can’t let anyone down
  • No stress

Question 2 – What is not comfortable about where I sit?

  • Low income
  • Boredom
  • Isolation
  • No purpose
  • In debt
  • No passion or drive
  • Wasting my time and talents
  • Not creative
  • No connection with others
  • No feedback or appreciation
  • No progress

Question 3 – What do I get to avoid by staying here? (Add these to the first list)

  • Avoid criticism
  • Avoid failure
  • Avoid being judged as strange
  • Avoid being proven incapable

We created these two lists and, although he was hankering to beat himself up, he agreed that yes, this is the Trade Off and yes, it is comfortable.

Rather than immediately try to patch it up we felt it best that he sit with this list for a few days to see what insight arose from it. The reason for delaying action is that there is no one conclusion everyone comes to so we’re not going to assume the answer.

What I’ve seen in the past is that some realise achieving that goal puts them out of their comfort zone and they are only trying to reach it to match an idea of success other people have dictated to them.

We each have our own ideas of success. Big jobs, money, status, travel, big responsibility, a spouse and kids, fame are not what everyone is looking for. So we might fight for a goal very loudly and, when it’s actually offered to us on a plate, we either reject it or sabotage it and then beat ourselves up for years afterwards that we didn’t take it.

Something to think about….

What happened in this case though, was that Joe realised he was putting up with an enormous amount of uncomfortable living in order to avoid the fear of being judged strange or failing at the job. As we talked about this further he realised these fears were unfounded. Just an illusion. He is indeed very capable and would be expected to fail a certain amount as he learnt the extent of the job. Everyone fails. If you’re not failing, you’re not trying anything new.

In fact, he didn’t have to look very far to soon find a great example of a top executive who was very similar in style to him and was not just accepted but was PRIZED by the company for their strange, quirky techniques and personality.

So, what about you? What goal have you been trying to achieve that continues to remain out of reach? What’s the trade off?

 


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Devouring Life: A New Year Resolution

How to set goals in 2017For a long time now I’ve had my sights set on finding the perfect project to sink my teeth into and the perfect partner to sink my teeth into as well. I’ve helped so many clients over the years achieve and even surpass their own fantasies I figure I should be able to, not only achieve the same but, hey, why not upstage everyone and do it even better for myself.

The result has been like the pursuit of the holy grail. I set an impossibly high level of expectation on myself and on others which has distracted me from truly appreciating what I have in front of me at any given time.

Great insight!

So, Annabelle (I say with my coaching hat on) how are we going to change this view to get more benefit?

Enjoy the journey?

Nope, stretch it further.

OK, how about:

Devour every morsel of life

Much better.

From the higher perspective, human life is short, so short it is almost the blink of an eye. You can go through many lives living out the same lessons and not getting the answers. Making the same mistakes, being the victim, saying it’s the circumstance or somebody else’s fault or the elite or the weather – whatever you choose to blame – but you’ll keep being handed the lessons until you find your way through them.

Goal Setting in 2017

For me, it seems really strange that I’ve allowed myself to fall for that old fashioned goal oriented mindset. I’ve known for some years now that the way goals are set with coaching clients has changed dramatically. They are no longer reaching for a milestone to hang their hat on. The “goals” are now focussed around a direction to head, a deeper purpose to fulfil – which can be fulfilled in a number of different ways – or a feeling to feel on a regular basis.  So I feel like a bit of a wally that it’s taken me this long to bend my own goals to something more up to date.

What does “Devour every morsel of life” mean?

In Mercredan’s session last November he talked about moving up to a higher perspective while we are here on the ground. We get all excited by technology able to produce the “3D effect” via a pair of virtual reality goggles or at the cinema. Then we go outside and fail to recognise how magnificent this Earthly framework really is.

By devouring every moment you are alive with your senses and your appreciation you make a very different experience from what you’ve been living.

It’s just Mindfulness blah blah

You think you’ve heard it all before. “I must be more mindful… yeah whatever.” But, it has more impact than you think.

When you are tuned into the past, the beliefs and your emotions attached to those beliefs to create something similar in the future. The same old story.

When you are tuned into the future, you are missing all the amazing opportunities offered to you right now that would steer you towards what you want.

We talk about being present as if it’s just a fad diet, something trendy to talk about that doesn’t really have a lot of substance. Yet the opposite is true. You’ve asked for a lot of things in your life. The Universe is walking along side you jumping up and down to turn here, talk to this one over here, look at this word on this sign. It is working over time to give you all the clues and, without presence, your chances of picking up those clues becomes slim. Is it any wonder why you question the Law of Attraction works?

How often do you walk down the street absorbed in what’s coming up next in your schedule or stewing over what happened in the past? What if you simply noticed the 3D reality you are in?

How you view it makes a difference as well. If you judge the dreary people, the barriers, the pollution, the broken bottle, the smelly rubbish bin and decide this is getting you down – then you’d be right. It’s all a matter of choice. Law of Attraction “like attracts like” kicks in to draw into your life more of whatever you were focussing on.

On the other hand you could tune into:

Sight

See the light and shadow an artist sees as they draw or paint. See the textures, the colours in layers, the contours, the synchronicity, the gravity and lightness. When you look from an artist’s point of view there is beauty in the soft and the gritty. Without one you could not describe nor measure the other so, why judge it?

Smell

Lose your judgement because these smells are the smell of life, the smell of the neighbourhood, the smell of the city and the smell of the era we live in which would have been a different smell to 100 years ago.

From a dancer’s point of view I always thought it odd how people hated BO (body odour). I would always retort “That’s the smell of a live person. They would smell a lot worse if they were dead.” In fact, the smell of fresh sweat was very satisfying to me. Getting up close and personal with other sweaty dancers was not only familiar but it was a way of recognising them without sight. You could tell how close they were to you on stage by smell and by heat. Sure, some elements can influence the smell like nicotine, alcohol, garlic, asparagus etc. but generally each person had their own signature which allowed you to get to know the essence of them better. So, smell without judgement.

Hearing

This has become my favourite way to turn the brain off when I want some meditation time. Just listen, again without judgement. What do you hear? What do you really hear underneath that? There was a great book someone lent me once, I think it was called “The Silence” which taught you to acknowledge a sound, then lift it on a layer of cloud above your head and listen to see what else you could hear underneath. As you lifted the layers away you could listen deeper and deeper. The world got more quiet until all you could hear was your own heartbeat. Awesome exercise. But the sounds around you don’t have to be lifted all the time. Just notice them. They are real, they are life.

Tastes

This one goes without saying. Mindful eating has been encouraged for a decade or two now. If you eat with your mind on something else – particularly a digital device – you miss the whole experience of eating and can end up hungry or you don’t notice when your brain says you’ve had enough and you keep on eating beyond what the body needs. Eating with gratitude that there is food on the table is a valuable exercise.  When was the last time you appreciated your coffee or tea like a connoisseur? When was the last time you followed the cold water down your throat and into your torso? So much is there!

Feeling

The textures or temperature are something we don’t often identify or describe to each other. With so much reference to what is on the internet these days we reduce our observations to sight and sound. What do you feel? Can you feel your clothes around your body right now (assuming you are not reading my blog naked), the floor beneath your feet. When you walk down the road do you feel the sun, the gentle breeze on your cheek, the change of weight as you shift from one foot to the other, the heat in a restaurant as you pass by a door opening. When was the last time you stopped and felt the rain? Again, so much is there which we ignore.

Sixth senses

Yes, there is more than one. Tune in to the mood of the environment, the vibe a person is giving off, the peacefulness a tree offers. Read between the lines of what someone is not saying. This increases your emotional intelligence.

Can you tune in to the emotions of the people who were last sitting in this chair or talking in this room? When it’s strong it is obvious. Were they arguing? Was one of them really sad? Were they hot for each other? It’s quite fun to check into the recent history you can pick up. This is what psychics practice regularly to find their answers. They are just doing what each of us has the potential to do.


Note I did use the word “devour” too, not just to eat, take in or consume your morsels of life. Rather than using your senses to draw in the details like a scientist, how about throwing everything you can into the experience with passion and enthusiasm? Think about what it is to devour something. The passion is barely controllable. Why control it?

Rather than be embarrassed that maybe other people will think you’re a little off your trolley crying over the beauty of a sunset or moaning in ecstasy over an ice cream, be the inspiration for them. Even if they laugh, they will remember it and you know already that the effect will ripple out to others in ways you cannot imagine.


Make a difference

All of these descriptions have been about observing what is already there but another thing to consider is, what are you creating? Are you waiting for the experiences to come to you or are you going to create some of these experiences? If you spend your days running by a tight schedule leaving little or no time for creativity or spontaneity, you’re setting yourself up for a pretty shallow day. If you have no expressive outlet you can find yourself taking it out on your loved ones or simply feeling like a walking zombie without feelings or emotions.

Tune into those emotions. Stir them up! Get them out.

If you’re grumpy or sad or anything negative you don’t want to be taking that out on someone else for the damage can be far beyond what you think. So find another outlet. Write it, paint it, dance it, sing it, run it off at the park, scream into a pillow. Releasing it gives it less opportunity to create illness in your body.

Summing it up

Coming back to my original changing of goals, we know through Law of Attraction that when you ask, it is given. Sometimes it arrives quite quickly, other times, what you ask for fits into the time line a few years later. If you ask again, you are confirming in your mind that perhaps the Universe didn’t hear you the first time and – uh oh – now the Universe gives you exactly what you believe which is that they didn’t hear you and nothing arrives.

So, once you’ve asked, know it’s on its way. Then, avoiding all fierce looks and determination – we’ve decided this time it’s not going to be hard work, right? – get in the flow, follow the queues and devour every second of the journey because you’ll never be in this spot at this time ever again.

Every day

1 – devour life with all your senses

2 – find a moment to be playful or to laugh

3 – find a way to express yourself honestly

4 – be the artist and create something beneficial or beautiful that wasn’t there the day before

Pretty simple? Go on, give it a try.

UPDATE: Here’s another great example of devoting yourself to the pleasure of existence.

 


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Kryon: Numerology for 2017

JThe future of scienceust spotted this session from Lee Carroll channelling Kryon in Las Vegas December 2016. He speaks about the energy numbers carry either individually, in identical pairs or the quantum energy which is created when sitting next to each other. Sometimes you see the same number or repeated combination of numbers over and over which is there to give you a message.

He also talks about carrying those meanings into the 2017 year and how each of us get our own individual messages through numbers on a day to day basis. Different messages for each to match what’s coming up for us, what to look out for.

I’ve done a quick reference on the number values. He talks about taking your name and adding up the number values to match the letters in your name. If, during your life, people start calling you by a different name or you choose a different name to better suit you, to add those letter values up to find your main energy and direction.

Quick Numerology Reference

Write our your name in separated letters and write the matching number underneath, then add them all up.
If it’s a single number, leave it as that.
If it’s two identical numbers like 22 or 33 or 66, leave them as is for they are a master number.
If it’s two numbers that are different, add them together as well to get a single number.

A=1  B=2  C=3  D=4  E=5  F=6  G=7  H=8  I=9  J=10  K=11  L=12  M=13
N=14  O=15  P=16  Q=17  R=18  S=19  T=20  U=21  V=22  W=23  X=24  Y=25  Z=26

So

J O E    B L O G G S = 10+15+5   +2+12+15+7+7+19     = 30 + 62 =  92  = 9+2 = 11 master number

You can do the same with your birthday   day + month + four digit year

These are roughly the meanings Kryon gives in the session. They may differ from other numerology sites as they may be specific to this timeframe.

Base numbers in Numerology

1 = all there is, unity
2 = duality, free choice, puzzle
3 = catalyst (healers often have this number around them) They change things around them without changing themselves.
4 = earth number, community, Gaia, grounded, farmers, agriculture
5 = forced change
6 = harmony, spiritually high, co-operative
7 = all things spirituality, alters, spiritual activity etc
8 = manifestation and abundance. Not just money but health, life, immunity…
9 = completion of a cycle, the end of something, graduation

Master numbers in Numerology

11 = Illumination. People who see this number or even repeated e.g. – 11:11 on the clock are here to be illuminated
22 = strong duality.  A decision which has very different results in opposite directions
33 = ultimate compassion. This is our current active number of DNA as well.

Other master numbers higher e.g. – 44, 55, 66 etc. are yet to be understood. They will come clear as we evolve and are currently not available to decipher.

Here’s the recording. I think the numerology lesson starts around the 20 minute mark.

Also this part II from the same series. His message starts at 1:15 though I haven’t listened to the whole thing yet so will add a summary of notes later.


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The Elevator

I was thinking this morning about how we start the process of creating a better life and career by first using our imagination. We spread out our thoughts laterally playing “What if?” games, running the scenarios in our mind till we find one that entertains us enough to stick.

If we are day dreaming about ourselves and what we could be, these dreams are a necessary part of the process to expand our horizons and give us something to aspire to – so don’t ever let anyone scoff at you day dreaming as being a waste of time.

The picture that came up for me around this process today was the Elevator.

We might be proud of the fact we’ve worked our way up to the third floor in what we are doing. We can look at the floors below and congratulate ourselves on our progress, then day dream about what life would be like on the 11th floor. What are the perks? What are the added responsibilities? What are the extra burdens and worries? What are the gifts? We weigh it up in our heads and some times the burdens feel too much so we’d rather stay on the 3rd floor, other times the perks outweigh the objections so we continue to see ourselves up there.

We might hang out in the elevator a fair bit as it moves above and below our floor on a frequent basis.

Here’s the thing though.

Time and time again the Elevator will stop at the 11th floor, the doors will open and we have a choice. Are we ready to step out and walk onto the 11th floor?

This is often a turning point for us. We might find ourselves frozen to the spot or even shrinking into the corner.
“I’m not good enough to be there.”
“I would lose all my friends on the 3rd floor.”
“Those new people will know I don’t belong there.”
“I don’t deserve it.”
“I am bound to fail.”

And we stand there talking ourselves out of it until, with great relief, the doors close and we are delivered back to the 3rd floor. Many people I’ve worked with – and myself included – go up and down in the elevator, dreaming of a higher floor, going up then coming back down in the Elevator when what we desired was delivered to us. If it’s a rare moment for the Elevator doors to open exactly where we wanted wemight then kick ourselves for years afterwards about the fact we didn’t step out.

How can we ease this process so we are more likely to accept what is offered?

1) Be Do Have

We can use the BE DO HAVE exercise. Rather than just weighing up the perks versus the burdens, do a really good exploration around who you think you would be if you were working on the 11th floor. What qualities of personality and skill set would you take with you? What needs to be added or taken away?

2) Visualise

Visualisations can be useful in picturing that moment of the Elevator doors opening and actually stepping on to the 11th floor. That covers the accepting of the desire. But it’s still easy to be a scaredy cat hovering by the Elevator before you’ve adequately explored your new floor, waiting until the doors open again, leaping back in, heading back from whence you came saying it was all a bit much for you… a bit like me being in a foreign country wandering around the corridors of a private club and finding myself in the male swimming pool dressing room. Yeah, you should have seen the guy laughing at me skidaddling away after he told me where I was. All a bit much.

3) Exploring the new me

In our exploration of being on the 11th floor, not only do we need to see we are worthy of being there and getting used to the idea of boldly stepping out on to the floor; but we also need to see who we are as we make ourselves at home there. Try imagining finding people to spend time with who are even more fascinating than those on the 3rd floor, picturing our skill set growing, our confidence growing and being accepted by the rest of the community on that level. Think about what you can offer your new companions, what you will be contributing.

By adding more exploration in these areas, we can spot where our fears lie so we can address them, early on and then, once the Elevator opens the doors to our desire we can be bold in stepping out and accepting our moving up in the World.


Taking action

These are mindset exercises and they are not the only thing that will move you there, of course. Tuning to your intuition will speed your Elevator towards what you want. If you are truly listening you will tune in to when you need to speak to someone or take action, even if it makes no sense at the time.

You’ve seen other people move up to the 11th floor and they will be quick to sell you an expensive training course on how they did it. Your Elevator may take you there a totally different way though, so keeping your heart open to your intuition will always prompt you towards the Path of Least Resistance.

If you find you are holding yourself back in life and career, get the support you need with Personal Development Coach Kitegirl Annabelle Drumm. Available face to face in Sydney Australia or via Skype/Facetime/Phone internationally. Click here to make an enquiry.

Learn more about Life Coaching
Learn more about Career and Business Coaching

 


Did you enjoy this article? The Kitegirl Coach blog is dedicated to collecting and considering information on the planetary and human evolution, Law of Attraction, the world shift in consciousness and creative careers. SHARE with like minded friends, FOLLOW on WordPress (button in the right column) for a regular feed or SUBSCRIBE for a monthly update on articles.

 

 

Annabelle Drumm interviewed by Bupa Health

Bupa Health recently released an article on Making Your Life a Success Story with input from top Business Coaches and Keynote Speakers from around Australia. They asked me to contribute to the article. Making a unique version of what life and business success is to you personally was the first point I suggested.

From school age onward we are “guided” by teachers, parents, media content, friends and neighbours as to what success should look like. The usual images of fame, status, money and power are the carrots they dangle. It’s all too easy to follow their guidelines without questioning what success means to us personally. So often I get clients come to me puzzled that they achieved great success according to these guidelines and somehow feel empty, like a bit of a fizzer. The satisfaction they were chasing has not appeared.

That’s when we start from scratch and work towards finding what brings ultimate satisfaction to the individual, then direct our life or business coaching series in pursuit of it. The final success picture is often surprising, delightful and not at all what the client was originally chasing. I have seen radical change in people over a few short months which often completely changes the shape of their career or business, the way they spend their time/effort and leads to a very different, more contented person which I find really inspiring.

You can see the Bupa article here http://www.bupa.com.au/life-insurance/make-your-life-success-story/

Here’s another video on Success Principles which are more personal to me from a while back – all still valid today. (Won me a trip to the USA as well!)

Have you found success in your career or business but still have that empty feeling? Want more satisfaction and peace of mind? Need support in bending the shape of your career to something that fits you perfectly? Let’s talk about what you need. I coach face to face here in Sydney or online with clients all around the world by video or phone.

Click here to contact Annabelle Drumm and discuss your Life Coach or Career / Business Coaching needs.


Did you enjoy this article? The Kitegirl Coach blog is dedicated to collecting and considering information on the planetary and human evolution, Law of Attraction, the world shift in consciousness and creative careers. SHARE with like minded friends, FOLLOW on WordPress (button in the right column) for a regular feed or SUBSCRIBE for a monthly update on articles.

 

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